On my way to the lake with my little sister.

You guys, I am sincerely so in love with her.

One of my best friend’s is going to Gay Pride and told me that I could go, but I couldn’t hang out with her because she’d be with her other friends.

Now I just found out that my Mother has been planning to go to Gay Pride, and didn’t invite me.

All of what I say does not apply to everyone. Each patient and therapist has different methods and needs. These are only my opinions taken from my experiences.

Over the time I’ve had this blog, quite a few people have messaged me regarding Angela, and how I was able to find such a great therapist. I think it’s time I make a thorough response as to how I feel you can ‘choose the right therapist’, and here it is:

Most therapists will not charge for the first session. This is important because it takes the pressure off of you feeling as though you have to return. If you are at the point where it’s time to choose a new therapist, do not feel like you have to pick one and stick with it. Pick out numerous ones to try, and schedule a session with each of them. They do this all the time, they’re very used to people having a first session and not returning, so there is no need to feel bad if you decide not to choose them. Ultimately, therapy is about you.

When it comes time for your first session, it is very important to let your guard down and be vulnerable. During my first session with Angela, I was extremely open. I did not beat around the bush or make her guess what I was there for. I told her why I was there, exactly what I wanted out of therapy, and kept talking about anything that I thought may be useful information for her. And then I asked her why she felt she could help me specifically, what qualified her to be my therapist. If you ask only one question during your first session, this is the one.

Which leads me to the second important factor in choosing a therapist, and for each session that follows; be honest. There is no point in going to therapy if you are not one hundred and fifty percent honest with your therapist. If you don’t feel that something you’re doing is helping you, tell them! You may also think that something you’ve done in life isn’t really important enough to talk about, or you are too ashamed to talk about it, but if your first thought while doing it is, “There’s no way I’m telling my therapist about this,” that is when you tell them! They are there to help you, not judge you. I cannot even express to you how much smoother and helpful my therapy is to me when I am honest and forthcoming with Angela.

Judging; the third component in choosing a therapist. Now obviously there are countless methods of therapy, but as a basic rule, I make it a point to stay in the dark when it comes to my therapist’s personal life. The second I know personal details about her, I feel as though a boundary is crossed between therapist and friend, and I start to worry about what she thinks of me. I begin obsessing over censoring myself in order to spare hurting her feelings or annoying her. This is never good. I promise you that no matter how much you believe you want to be friends with your therapist, it only ends up hurting your healing process. Now, I know there are times when it is necessary to become closer with your therapist, there are even certain methods that require this. But as a general rule, try to keep a boundary. In the beginning I told Angela, “We’re not friends. You can’t hug me or text me or tell me about your life.” (I promise, Angela and I have a great relationship, please don’t take my bluntness as rudeness). Once in a while, would I love for Angela to hug me? Yes. But I need her as a therapist much, much more than I would ever need her as a friend.

Finding the right person to help you heal will ultimately be the difference between living, and only breathing to get by.

A few days ago, my little sister was begging our Mom to let her go to an amusement park with me, but my Mom wouldn’t let her. I whispered in her ear that she needed to do this *batted my eyelashes* and say ‘Pleeeease’ very slowly. She did, and it was darling.

Today, my Mom told me that she was reading Harry Potter to Daisy before bedtime, but Daisy wanted a picture book instead. They argued about it for a minute before Daisy tilted her head to the side, batted her eyelashes very slowly, and said, “Pleeeeeease?” When my Mom still said no, Daisy said, “But you have to. Molly says that if I do this, I can have whatever I want.”

I about died.

My poor Mother.

“There are many ways to define our fragile existence, many ways to give it meaning. But it is our memories that shape it’s purpose and give it context.”

~ Mohinder Suresh, Heroes

Talking about one of my friends who I thought would find Angela:

Me: “I don’t want anyone I know to have you as a therapist. I have this unrealistic sense of anxiety that I’m going to walk in one day and she’ll be here, and my whole world would fall apart.”

Angela: “And you would pick it back up because you’re resilient enough to do that. It’s okay to have your whole world fall apart. “

Me: “No. I told her, ‘Find your own, Angela belongs to me!’”

Angela: *Laughing* “I understand that completely. You would do anything to keep an attachment with someone because you really struggled with having attachments as a kid. I mean, just look at your trauma. It’s completely reasonable to feel that way. I don’t know if it’s necessarily healthy all the time because, I mean, I may die tomorrow or move to France *Laughing* I hate France, I don’t know why I said that.”

Me: “Why do you make jokes like that? That’s not funny.”

Angela: “Because I see you as much more capable than you think you are, and I forget sometimes that you don’t realize how capable and functional you are, considering the circumstances. But your fear of losing this attachment is one hundred percent natural, one hundred percent embraceable, and one hundred percent normal. When you aren’t able to built attachments as a kid, this is exactly how you will 　respond as an adult.”